Children who are "often beaten" and "never beaten" live two lives 20 years later.

I saw a public service advertisement some time ago.

A little boy walked straight ahead, surrounded by laughter and warm light.

but when he turned around, his face was black and blue.

the sparkling eyes are full of grievances, fear and helplessness.

the dirty clothes wrapped around the thin body.

his ears were filled with threatening commands and scolding, and he stopped nervously and tugged at the hem of his clothes.

he said that many people like childhood because it is always full of laughter.

but in his view, childhood represents misfortune.

because there he suffered endless scolding and beatings, and pain on his body.

so, "there is not necessarily a worry-free Garden of Eden, there will also be fear and helplessness."

he just wants to grow up quickly.

maybe everything will be all right when you grow up.

it is true that when children grow up, they will suffer less domestic violence and their injuries will heal.

but the shadow in my heart is difficult to dispel.

as Susan Foward said:

"parents do more harm than just now."

it runs through the years and is as deep in the hearts of children as a needle. "

hitting a child is a very simple action.

the psychological, emotional and physical damage caused by hitting a child is far beyond our expectations.

01

Children who are beaten are both physically and mentally injured.

Zhihu has such a question: what impact will parents have on their children if they hit their children?

A respondent told a story.

when I was in primary school, my classmates lost money.

I don't know why someone suddenly said that he had sneaked back to the classroom when he was in PE class.

there was no monitoring in the school at that time, so he tried his best to pour out all the things in his schoolbag and all the pockets of his clothes, and no one believed that he was innocent.

later, the teacher called the parents.

Dad came to school and without saying a word, he slapped him and made his ears ring.

when he got home, Dad picked up the broom and beat him again.

he kept telling his father loudly that he didn't steal the money, but his father felt that he was unrepentant and hit harder, with bruises on his legs and back.

on another occasion, I had dinner with an uncle after I finished my score in the final exam.

the two families talked about their children's grades at the dinner table. When the father heard that his uncle and son had better grades than him, he kicked him several times when he got home, saying that he was disgraceful and shameful. He didn't say goodbye to his career of being beaten until after the college entrance examination.

I thought his life could finally get back on track, but when he went to college and came out to work, he clearly realized that his heart had collapsed after being beaten for more than a decade.

now he:

"he has no self-confidence in doing anything, he is a little hesitant to do everything, and he just wants to follow other people's orders;

he is used to making mistakes all over his body and feels like a reform-through-labor convict. Waiting to be repaired;

frustration runs through life."

some parents feel that beating and scolding their children is a method of education, but most of the time, this is a kind of emotional catharsis of parents.

the picture of being beaten will become the scariest past in the child's young life, shattering the child's spiritual world from the inside out.

under the fists of their parents, they are powerless to resist, can only fight internally, and even give up on themselves.

my friend Xiao Chen is a counselor. She told me a story.

in primary school, she became good friends with a girl. The girl's parents always beat her for trifles, so she always flinched, seldom spoke and seldom laughed.

when she was in the second grade of primary school, she accidentally made a stroke on the new white dress bought by her mother with a colored pen, left a red mark on the dress and cried all afternoon.

before school, she wrote a farewell letter to Xiao Chen, saying:

although the girl came to school the next day, the back of her calf was covered with mottled scars from whipping.

after graduating from primary school, the two were assigned to different schools and seldom saw each other again.

after coming out to work, when Xiao Chen came home, her mother told her that the girl had been slapped for contradicting her parents and committed suicide that night.

many people think that this girl is making a mountain out of a molehill.

but Xiao Chen will never forget the fear and despair in the girl's eyes when she gave her that "farewell letter".

once read a saying on the Internet:

"No matter what name you hit the child, the child will always be the only one who will pay for it."

parents fight each other, accumulating over time, like a series of rear-end collisions on the highway, so that their children continue to get hurt.

and it is difficult for a child to heal a great wound in his heart throughout his life.

02

parents' violence will also be passed on to children

children who are often beaten and scolded. In addition to making them cowardly and inferiority complex, pessimistic and world-weary, they will also go to the other extreme:

is prone to violence.

they found 66 children aged 3-6 years old, andDivide them into two groups and let them watch a video.

the children in the first group, they saw a video of an adult beating a doll in a room with violence.

what the children in the second group saw was an adult playing quietly in the room.

after watching the video, the staff took the children to another room and let them play freely in the room.

the results show that

those children who watch others play quietly will not be aggressive even if they are naughty.

and many of the children who watched others commit violent acts, even girls, showed aggressive behavior.

in fact, it is the same for parents to beat their children.

parents beat their children, which is tantamount to setting a bad example for their children to think that such behavior is reasonable.

because of the same example, children living under violence will gradually use violence as a way to solve problems.

in the movie Angry Bull, based on a true story, Jack La Motta, a generation of boxing champion, is often beaten by his father, scarred physically and mentally.

his mind has been distorted when he grows up.

the whole person is inferiority complex, paranoid, arrogant, jealous, manic, aggressive and can only solve problems with violence.

he doesn't trust his wife. He even slaps his wife in the face and slaps his younger brother violently. He is full of hostility.

as a sentence in the documentary Mirror:

"every child is born with a blank piece of paper, and his parents are the painters."

what happens to the blank paper lies in the parents. "

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violent families have violent children.

it is like an endless cycle of reincarnation, constantly replicating in children.

when children learn to raise their fists, it is the beginning of another tragedy.

03

the excellence of children is not a lasting and effective education, but comes from the love and wisdom of their parents.

in an interview with everyone, Academician Zhong Nanshan talked about his childhood experience.

when he was at school, his lunch was provided by the school, so he had to pay a meal fee to the school.

once, his parents gave him the money, but he was so greedy that he took the money to buy snacks.

near the end of the semester, his mother wanted to see how much money he had left for meals at school. Zhong Nanshan confessed that he had not given the money to the school, but had spent it himself.

when his mother told his father about it, he immediately felt that he was going to be in trouble, and his father was sure to beat him up.

but his father only asked him:

Zhong Nanshan said that his father's words were even more exciting than beating him.

although his father did not scold him, let alone beat him, he made him realize where he was wrong after serious reflection.

he hasn't done such a thing since.

but if you use other discipline methods, you can teach children more advanced cognitive skills, self-control, cause and effect, and logical thinking. "

what affects the growth of children is not the discipline of their parents, but the wrong way of discipline.

if the method is correct, the child will not only not get hurt, but will grow up as a result.

"the King of Fairy Tales" Zheng Yuanjie said that he educated his son and daughter and never hit a child.

when a child does something wrong and does not do well, he will only patiently communicate and guide.

he said: "the ugliest act of force in the world is for adults to beat children. This is bullying."

there is no beating and scolding, and his children are better than many of their peers.

son Zheng Yaqi began to support himself at the age of 18 and is now an entrepreneur.

daughter Zheng Yafei, the veritable high achiever, was admitted to six well-known universities in the United States and won a full scholarship.

the excellence of children is never typed.

as an English proverb goes:

parents' attitude towards their children determines his fate.

parents' good guidance and lead by example are the nutrients that children need to get better.

04

Li Meijin said:

the elements that determine who a child will become in the future are permeated in the words and deeds of parents.

I hope that parents will not fall their fists on their children and will not personally push their children into a tragic life.

I hope that all children will be filled with warmth and courage instead of sadness and disappointment when they recall their parents.