If parents can't control themselves, a lot of education is useless.

I often hear many parents complain: why are children so difficult to manage?

from teenagers to children as young as 3 years old, the more parents control, the more rebellious children become; the tighter parents control, the more rebellious children become.

it makes people wonder, what went wrong?

teacher Fan Deng said:

I have seen such a picture:

on the subway, the mother reads a book, and the child picks up a book while the other mother is playing with her mobile phone. The child also goes over and stares at the phone.

on the road of education, if parents fail to set a good example, it is very difficult for their children not to go the wrong way.

some studies have found that a child is a complete "sensory organ", with his eyes like a tape recorder and ears like a radio.

Children accept everything their parents say and do.

then rudely reveal the truth to their parents from their point of view.

therefore, parents should be the most educated in a family.

parents can't take care of themselves, and all education is futile.

01

Children's problems

are all refraction of parental problems

psychologist Yang Jie once shared a case.

there is a boy in primary school who does not listen carefully in class, often fights with his classmates, does not do homework, and is withdrawn.

the teacher approached his parents every three days, and once the teacher even reflected: "the child stares at the teacher in class, and his eyes are terrible."

the mother was devastated, and she thought the child was hopeless.

but after learning about the situation, Yang Jie found that the child's problem actually lies with the mother.

mothers educate their children simply and rudely, either yelling or beating.

day after day, children also become grumpy.

his mother slapped him, and he returned his mother twice.

Mother and son often struggle all night. The child deliberately does not do his homework and sleeps on the ground. The mother is also angry with the child. As soon as the child closes his eyes, he will prick it!

Yang Jie advised the mother to stop hitting the child, and the mother felt aggrieved: "I used all the methods I could. I hit the child because I had no tricks."

how many parents force their children to take medicine when they are ill? parents do not reflect, but force their children to change.

the child's problems are just consequences, because it lies with the parents.

as Professor Li Meijin said:

"when you find it difficult for your child to educate, the problem actually exists a long time ago."

Children's problems are often created by adults. Every psychological or behavioral problem of a child must be related to parents' behavior and parents' way of education. "

Don't wait for your child to grow up to regret what you've done too much. It is also pointed out that children's performance is closely related to parents' problems.

sadly, parents only focus on their children and are unaware of their own mistakes.

all efforts are devoted to the child, only to take drastic measures to cut down the child's problems, and to take care of the child, not himself.

the most likely result of such "double-label" education is that parents get more and more headache, and their children become more and more rebellious.

02

A good education

is all about pushing yourself.

Yang Lan once said:

the key to education is to educate parents. If parents do a good job, their children will not be bad.

Smart parents all know how to manage themselves in these four aspects, and their hearts are enriched and enriched, which in turn can bring better personality influence to their children.

1. Take good care of your own words and deeds and cultivate your children's self-cultivation

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I have seen such a scene in which a boy casually said a foul language, and his father came forward with a slap: "Damn it, who told you to swear?"

how can children be taught to be civilized in such an uncivilized way?

"loyalty and filial piety etiquette, I will treat my father and others as I ask Guo Qilin." Guo Degang said.

when he was on the phone with his father, he never dared to sit, always respectful to his father, and always polite to his elders.

because he first sets an example for the child by being strict with himself, and then in turn standardizes the child's words and behavior, everything will be all right.

in the entertainment industry, Guo Qilin has always been famous for his politeness.

when Guo Qilin sits with his father, he always stands upright and respectfully. When my father spoke, he always stood behind him and listened attentively. When he replied, he always began with "you".

external, but also humble and courteous, see the elders, quickly bend over to say hello, how about the cold to warm the body? When others help, "Thank you, please" often talk about it.

parents' words and deeds are the benchmark for their children.

parents should go first to what kind of person they want their children to be.

2. Manage your emotions and cultivate your children's good character

I have seen such a video that in a family with a second child, the elder sister will poke her younger brother in the eye when she is bored.

when he is angry, he will hit his brother on the head with a toy.

when brother and sister quarrel, they punch and kick their younger brother directly.

the elder sister will hit, push, grab and slap the younger brother for no reason.

at this time, my mother would angrily take out a needle to stab her sister and hit her in the mouth with a clothes hanger.

from morning till night, the house is filled with mother's roar, sister's cry and brother's cry.

later, the parenting teacher asked his mother, "did your mother do the same to you when you were a child?"

Mother choked up several times and didn't want to recall, though she didn't remember what mistake she had made.But her parents' angry expression and the sentence "Why don't you die" have been engraved in her mind.

most of the time, she also knows that losing her temper is bad, but she can't help getting angry with her child.

violence is passed on from parent to child from generation to generation.

parents can't control their emotions, and their children can't control themselves when something happens, they will only copy their parents' anger.

Hu Shi once said:

"if I learn a little bit of good temper, if I learn a little bit of kindness in dealing with others, if I can forgive and be considerate-- I have to thank my loving mother."

when parents are in trouble, only by controlling their temper first can they see the needs behind their children's emotions, guide their children to perceive and manage their own emotions.

in this way, children can learn empathy through their parents' understanding and acceptance.

3. Manage your desires and cultivate your child's self-discipline

I happened to meet her mother and daughter at a friend's house two days ago:

"how long have you been watching TV, still not doing your homework?"

"Dad has been playing games all morning. Why don't you talk about him?"

with that, the daughter took out her exercise book reluctantly, but her eyes kept staring at the TV.

"like what? Who watches TV while doing homework? "

"Oh, just now, who kept his cell phone while cooking?"

my friend got angry and shouted, "I'm your mother. Can a child compare with an adult?"

"you can't take care of yourself, so why should you care about me?"

my daughter threw away her pen, stood up and went into the room and slammed the door.

Bai Yansong said:

how can a parent who indulges himself take good care of his children?

A father in Ningbo, Zhejiang Province, in order to cultivate his child's interest in classical Chinese, stops watching TV every day and sits at his desk after work, rewriting the father and daughter's favorite cartoon "Thousand and thousand fathom" into classical Chinese.

from childhood to childhood, as long as the child is studying, the father will drop what he is doing and sit quietly by the side reading.

nowadays, my daughter finishes her homework consciously after school every day, and her parents never need to supervise her studies.

and under the influence of her father, her daughter also fell in love with classical Chinese. In the sixth grade, she even learned from her father to keep a diary in classical Chinese.

it is more effective for parents to "take care of themselves" than to manage their children 100 times.

only when parents first manage their impulse to play games and their desire to play mobile phones, can their children learn self-discipline under the influence of their parents' self-discipline.

4. Manage your habits and cultivate your children's persistence

Zhihu has a question: what habits do parents have that affect you all your life?

A netizen replied:

for more than ten years, my father insisted on getting up at 06:30 every day, reading books and recharging.

and my mother, as long as she has free time, will pick up books and read them carefully.

every day after dinner, parents always meet to play ball or run in the open field downstairs. when they get home, they are always happy to talk about the benefits of exercise.

it took me many years to realize that these were the "deliberate" educations of my parents.

in the past, I couldn't get up in the morning. I felt sleepy as soon as I read books and lazy when I exercised. But when I saw that my parents were still insisting on it, I suddenly felt that getting up early was not so painful, and reading seemed not so difficult. Exercise has also become a daily habit. "

educator FukuzawaYukichi said: "the family is the school of habit, and parents are the teachers of habit."

every child is a natural imitator, it is difficult to cultivate children's persistence, but if the parents don't give up, the children will grow up following in their parents' footsteps.

Teaching is a long road, but example is a shortcut.

03

parents don't give up on self-growth

Children continue to grow up

Lei Dongdong, headmaster of Shanghai Guanghua Cambridge, says:

that's what she said and did.

she has her own hobbies, work and responsibilities. She is not only a mother, but also an educator.

she has been committed to self-growth, and her daughter is learning from her mother's continuous efforts to grow up.

after graduating from the third year of junior high school, my daughter went to England to study alone and was finally admitted to Oxford University.

my daughter thanked me: "when I was growing up, my mother didn't give me much time, but she set an example."

after having children, many parents devote themselves to their children and pay a lot, but their children don't buy it.

this is because it is difficult for parents who give up self-growth to have a positive impact on their children. As a result, children lack motivation.

Tolstoy said:

"all education, or 999/1000 of education, comes down to role models, to the improvement and perfection of parents' own lives."

the most likely way for children to grow up is to copy their current parents.

Education is to teach yourself first, and then teach others. Take care of yourself first, then the pipe.

only if we become better ourselves first can we guide our children to become better people.