Not to win by words is the highest EQ.

Not to win by words is the highest EQ.

Good morning, accompany you to read.

Su Shi wrote a saying that has been handed down through the ages: "I can accompany the Jade Emperor and the beggar in the lowland courtyard. I can see that there is no bad person in the world."

Su Shi, who has such an open mind, seldom has a problem with people.

but there are exceptions to everything. Cheng Yi is the exception.

the reason is that Su Shi is unforgiving.

Sima Guang died in the first year of Yuanyou in the Northern Song Dynasty, and his funeral collided with the celebration of the Taimiao on the same day.

after attending the celebration in the morning, Su Shi went to Sima Guang's house in the afternoon to mourn.

Cheng Yi blocked the door and refused to let Su Shi in.

Cheng Yi said, "if you cry on that day, you will not sing," meaning that you have just finished singing, how can you come to the funeral?

Su Shi retorted that Confucius only said that he could not sing after crying, and that he could not cry until the rap song was finished.

then he laughed at Cheng Yili in public, saying that this set of things seemed to be in line with ancient etiquette, but in fact it was no more than a mountain move.

Cheng Yi said that his face flushed with anger, and the two got into trouble from then on.

in the following decades, the students and disciples of the two men quarreled constantly, even to the point of irreconcilability.

writer Wang Meng said, "Don't always try to get the upper hand in language."

the desire to win over others is the biggest relationship killer.

when you say something, you always have to put pressure on others, and such people are bound to pay the price.


does not win by words, but a person's extremely high wisdom

the famous American psychologist Gorman wrote in his book EQ: "the degree to which you make people comfortable determines the height you can reach."

if you embarrass others, they will not make you feel better. If you make others comfortable, others can make you comfortable.

if you always want to overwhelm others in language, you will suffer a great loss sooner or later.

Wei Zheng in the Tang Dynasty was a famous minister who was famous for his outspoken remonstrations.

once Emperor Taizong wanted to change the age of male service from 21 to 18.

Wei Zheng tried his best to dissuade him, criticizing the emperor on the main hall for overdrawing his people's strength and doing his best to fish.

Tang Taizong said he could not, and finally accepted Wei Zheng's advice, but he felt uncomfortable.

after a remonstrance, Emperor Taizong returned to the palace and even said in a rage, "one day I will kill this country bumpkin Wei Zheng."

fortunately, Queen Sun persuaded her to kill Wei Zheng, which did not remain in history.

but the emperor still has to let out his breath.

after Wei Zheng's death, Tang Taizong accumulated hatred and finally sent someone to smash Wei Zheng's tombstone.

No one likes to be criticized bluntly, even if they are right.

Franklin said, "never go head on against other people's opinions."

when others express opinions that they do not agree with, they must stop the impulse to refute them directly.

first give praise, and then cite some points that are open to question, and put forward your own views and opinions in a humble manner.

if you come up and argue with others and point out other people's mistakes, it will only embarrass others and make you uncomfortable.

people tend to think they are right and excellent.

if someone destroys this good feeling in public, it will certainly arouse his anger.

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Cai Kangyong once said, "speaking is an art."

whatever you say, you should take care of other people's face and don't embarrass others.

it is the greatest stupidity to show off yourself through the mistakes of others.

after a long time, the hearts of the people around you naturally get cold.


not by words, but by an open-minded person

when Chen Danqing was young, he ate with his friends at a stall.

the stall is doing brisk business and has been waiting for a long time to get a free table.

because the boss is very busy, they clear the table by themselves.

unexpectedly, a ragged old man came and insisted that the meal had been cleaned up by them before he had finished eating.

Chen Danqing said, "can I buy you a new one as compensation?"

the old man said, "I've been in a bad mood all day. You have to compensate me."

his friend thought it was absurd and was about to make a theory when Chen Danqing took out some money and gave it to him.

after the old man left, Chen Danqing said, "reasoning with an overbearing person is followed by endless quarrels." If I step aside, I can minimize things, so why not? Besides, we have other things to do. "

as the old saying goes, when the forest is big, there are all kinds of birds.

there are many unreasonable people in the world.

if you have to fight for right and wrong in everything, you can't live a life.

in many cases, taking a step back is not a mistake, and giving a step is not weakness, but self-cultivation and realm.

there is a Confucian scholar Liu Kuan in the Eastern Han Dynasty.

once when he was driving a cow home, he met a villager on the way, saying that Liu Kuan had just lost his cow.

Liu Kuan saw that he was dressed in rags and knew that the cow was the lifeblood of the family, so he did not argue and gave it to him.

A few days after the result, the villagers came to Liu Kuan and told Liu Kuan that the cow had been found and that he had misjudged him.

Liu Kuan said: there are so many similar things in the world that sometimes it is inevitable to mistake them for giving them back.

all the people in the state admired his self-cultivation and recommended him one after another. He was prosperous and loved by his colleagues, and has been a lieutenant ever since.

in many cases, instead of arguing loudly and trying to distinguish between right and wrong, it is better to take a step back and give way a point.

people who believe in you don't have to say, no.It's no use if someone who believes you says so.

instead of embarrassing everyone, it is better to let time speak and let the truth answer.


not by words, it is a person's empathy ability

I have seen an interview by Yi Lijing with Zhang Hanyun, who was born as a super girl.

Zhang Hanyun became popular at the age of 15, and the agency laid down a series of rules for her:

you can't appear on camera without makeup, because you're an idol; you can't lose your temper, because you're an idol; you can't talk nonsense, because you're an idol.

be restrained all the time, walking all the way to adulthood.

Zhang Hanyun told Yi Lijing that she especially likes acting and likes the feeling of being immersed in characters.

Yi Lijing said:

"I wonder if it will be the only place where you can deliver completely after you get out of home when you get into the character." You don't have to detain yourself in the character, you don't have to be cautious, you don't have to be a good girl, or you don't have to think about all the rules and restrictions around you and say what Zhang Hanyun should do. You are completely liberated in there. "

after hearing this, Zhang Hanyun immediately burst into tears and smiled and said "thank you" to Yi Lijing.

she is the first person to understand her in these years.

Zhang Hanyun said: "acting let me know that you can live like this, and no one cares how you live."

Yi Lijing's previous interviews are known for being aggressive. She likes to offend others in order to get to know the real person.

interview Sun Honglei, she said bluntly that the other party was stunned by money in a bad movie.

interview Huang Xiaoming, she asked each other directly: "do you admit that you are not good at acting?"

when meeting more powerful guests, interviews often turn into mutual criticism and rivalry.

but this interview shows a very different Yi Lijing.

her understanding and empathy made Zhang Hanyun drop all her defenses and show her true self.

A thousand words are not worth one "I understand you".

language is a tool for communication, not a weapon to win.

many people always like to "convince" others, and such people can only bring resentment.

the confrontation of language will only make the two sides build two distinct dams, which are far away from each other.

Mr. Jin Weichun, founder of Business week, told a story.

in order to do my duty as a father, I often give advice to my children at home, correct their mistakes and tell them what to do.

in his view, communication is his own unilateral education.

however, his relationship with his daughter is getting worse.

it was not until once that he listened to his daughter's complaints for nearly five hours that the relationship between the two became mild.

Mr. Jin Weichun realized at this time: the relationship between people is so simple-you listen to me, I will listen to you, that's all.

everyone is not an island. They are connected to each other and connected to each other.

A person's happiness never depends on how many people he defeats, but on how many people he understands.

sincere communication, let the isolated island connect into a mainland, let people feel lucky in confirming each other