The doctor could not save the depressed child: belittling education is the most toxic medicine to give the child.

two days ago, a netizen on Weibo shared such a thing:

A child was suffering from depression and happened to be reading when he went to the revisit.

when the doctor saw it, he praised her: "the child works really hard."

unexpectedly, the mother of the child splashed cold water and said, "work hard, work fake."

the doctor worked hard to repair the child's inner scars, but the parents casually denied it, but pushed the child into the abyss.

what a worry and helplessness!

comes from Weibo user @ melancholy Knight Dangji

the netizen pointed out bluntly:

after Weibo was posted, many people thought of the experience when they were belittled by their parents when they were young:

after reading these comments, one cannot help thinking:

parents clearly love their children more than anyone else, but why do they always cause harm to their children in the way of blow and negation?

01

percussion education is a dose of poison

some time ago, I watched such a video:

A little girl said to her father,

"Dad, you have a little flaw. Do you know what it is?"

"it's a disadvantage that sometimes you always make others unhappy."

when I said this, I don't know if the little girl remembered something, and her eyes began to turn a little red. She tentatively asked her father:

"can you change it?"

unexpectedly, the father sitting in the front row answered "No" categorically and gave his daughter a big lesson:

"actually, I did it for your own good, you know, the flowers in the greenhouse can't stand the wind and rain.

when you treat a child, you can't always make her feel happy, because in the outside world, other people won't be like this, then you will be finished if you leave your parents.

so I'm going to make you unhappy now, so you won't break down easily in the future. "

after listening to her father's words, the little girl became even more aggrieved and kept wiping her tears with her little hands.

especially the sentence "I'm going to make you unhappy".

not to mention children, even adults will be uncomfortable to hear it.

in life, there is always such a kind of parents: they are obviously modest and gentle in the eyes of colleagues and friends, and are well versed in the art of speaking.

but once faced with a child, it becomes a knife mouth.

A teenager said that a girl went on stage and complained about her "poisonous tongue" mother.

"I think my mother must have a hard life. After all, her mouth is so poisonous."

when I didn't do well in the math exam, my mother mocked:

"Oh ho, you are such a talent, how did you get such a damn thing?"

"the next time you take the exam like this, you won't have to go to school. You won't have to stay cool!"

the girl liked a dress, so she asked her father to buy it back. Her mother changed her face when she saw it:

"where are your eyes?"

"if you buy this kind of clothes again, I'll throw you out with the clothes!"

What else can you possible need: a great price, fantastic customer service and timely shipping, in addition to a perfect long sleeve wedding dresses. Large varieties of shapes and cuts for you to choose from.

what's more, the mother always belittles her in front of her brother:

after listening to her daughter's complaints off the stage, the mother explained that she was not a "poisonous tongue", but for the good of the child, but in a more sharp and straightforward way.

then a sentence from my daughter made the whole audience saddened:

how many parents in life, full of love, but full of ferocious eyes, hurt their children the most.

"No wonder your grades are always inferior to XXX because you are so careless."

"Don't always eat meat, see how fat you are?"

"know how to play games day by day, so you still want to do well in the exam? In your dreams! "

when you see your child unhappy or unconvinced, you have to add: "what did I say wrong?" It's all for your own good! "

under the banner of "for your own good", belittling and denying the child, making him feel bad, untrustworthy and should not be treated well, this is not percussive education.

in fact, a blow is a blow.

what a blow brings to a child is never education, but harm.

02

how bitter are children who have been denied by their parents since childhood

in the just-concluded TV series "in the name of Family", Qi Mingyue is a child who has been constantly denied by his parents since childhood.

the event of buying clothes is a small microcosm of Qi Mingyue's mother's "percussion education":

at first, Qi Mingyue picked up a white dress, but her mother criticized her: "you can wash and buy whatever color you want later!"

Qi Mingyue withdrew her hand and chose a black one, but her mother said that black was not suitable for her.

finally, Qi Mingyue chose pink according to her mother's preference, but her mother was still not satisfied and scolded her: "you are exactly the same as your father, and you don't have any ideas of your own!"

finally, Qi Mingyue chose pink according to her mother's preference, but her mother was still not satisfied and scolded her: "you are exactly the same as your father, and you don't have any ideas of your own!"

with her mother's negation and blow, Qi Mingyue has grown into a typical "low self-esteem person":

thinks that she is very bad and can't do anything well;

always puts herself in a humble position, and whenever there is a little contradiction, she will think it is her fault;

in the face of all good things, often have the idea that "I don't deserve".

in a Tencent program "I don't know, I really want to hear it."I am still impressed by a conversation between the 27-year-old fashion publicist and his mother every day.

say every day: "I help others solve problems every day, I especially hope that one day, my parents can help me solve problems."

Mother answered naturally, "well, you can tell me."

but shook his head helplessly every day:

"when I finished, it was still my fault, because my ability was limited, which you told me."

"it's already hard for me to be outside. I want my mother, do you understand?"

at this moment, you can feel grievances and depression every day even across the screen.

perhaps in the eyes of others, every day is excellent and successful, with a highly educated and glamorous job, and early realization of wealth and freedom.

but from the mother's point of view, every day is no big deal. He is still the child who is sick all over the body and doesn't know his importance.

psychologist Fairbairn said:

when parents beat their children, they only make them feel that they don't deserve good things, that they don't deserve to be loved, and that they don't deserve to be happy.

the end result is an inferiority complex, cowardice, and melancholy child.

03

Children who are supported and trusted live as a beam of light

there is a psychological word called the Pygmalion effect.

means that when a person is expected, he gets a kind of positive motivation, which makes it easier to meet each other's expectations.

in many cases, parents change the way they speak, which is likely to change their child's life. Such a public service advertisement was shot in Taiwan.

in the face of their children's shortcomings, parents can blame their children: "nothing can be compared with others, who is as useless as you."

but you can also choose to explore your child's strengths:

when a child fails in the exam, parents can blame their child: "you haven't practiced this question several times, you're so stupid."

but you can also be a little more patient:

the same word can be warmed up by simply changing the order.

one day, when the mother was combing her child's hair, the child looked at himself in the mirror and suddenly choked up and said, "Mom, I am so ugly."

the mother was surprised to hear this, because in her eyes, her daughter was "super beautiful".

so the mother listed a lot of evidence to her daughter: "super cute dimples", "beautiful chocolate complexion", and "beautiful little white teeth". Finally, the mother looked her daughter in the eye and solemnly told her:

as parents, we are always worried about what to do when we are gone, and that they do not have the courage and ability to face the setbacks and difficulties of life.

the secret to facing difficulties is never inferiority complex and escape, but optimism, diligence and kindness.

but these beautiful qualities never appear out of thin air, and the only way is to let the children copy them from us.

therefore, what we should really leave to our children is not blow, not negation.

but unconditional support and trust.

We should learn to believe that every child is a seed.

some seeds will soon blossom and bear fruit;

some seeds need a long wait and careful watering before they can grow seedlings;

some seeds may not blossom for a lifetime, but it will grow into a towering tree.

what we can do is to see the light in our children's hearts and guide them step by step into the future.