Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
A minister of education once said two words to parents:
"parents should have scientific educational ideas and reasonable expectations for their children."
to put it simply, it is:
parents first do what they want their children to do;
parents do not do what their children do not do;
what parents cannot do, never force their children to do;
parents rationally guide their children to do what they want to do.
parents are the leaders of their children, and their words and deeds are related to the cultivation and growth of their children's character.
every parent loves their children, but parents who are eager to become successful may inadvertently force themselves to become "dragon swordsmen", hurting their children without knowing it.
look at the following five knives and see how many you have used.
the first knife
dotes on the child's autonomy!
do you know what to do to get rid of the child?
is to dote on his obedience.
Children have a superior position in the family, giving special care everywhere, cooking whatever they want and giving them what they want.
there is a saying that "a habitual son is like killing a child". The easier it is for parents to satisfy their children, the easier it is for them to fail.
babysitting does everything for the child, which will not only destroy the child, but also make the child feel that the parents' efforts are taken for granted, and it is easy to raise a "white-eyed wolf".
Su Mingcheng in the TV series "everything is fine" is a typical "gnawing" family, and "gnawing" is righteous, and Su's mother is the "culprit" who indulges him to gnaw on the old.
he is like the kind of spoiled bear children we see in our lives, who feel that the whole world should revolve around him, capricious and irritable.
when looking for a job, Su's mother pays; when she gets married, her mother pays; when she buys a house, she pays; when she decorates, her mother pays.
finally, Su Mu also put all the old-age money into it.
after Su's mother died, when Su Mingcheng had nothing to eat, he forgot to love his parents. Even when I was taking care of my father, my heart was full of disgust.
at work, muddle along with no goal, no direction, and muddle along.
finally, his wife left him and went to prison.
in the original family, he has always been satisfied unconditionally, but out of this family, no one satisfies him like that without a bottom line. The spoiled little boy has become a giant baby who cannot grow up.
when it comes to love, parents tend to go to extremes, either being stingy in giving love, leaving their children short of love from an early age, or giving too much and killing their children.
We can participate in the growth of children, but we cannot replace them.
know that letting go is true love. Life will always be repaid for the risks you avoid for your child. When you walk the road for your child, the child will have to cry and walk again.
the second knife
quarrel and cut off the child's sense of security!
Psychological research shows that
parents slander, quarrel, or even fight with each other, which will not only cause children's fear, make them become inferiority complex and sensitive, but also make them irritable and violent.
what is more serious is that it will make children full of disappointment with their families and affect their views on making friends and choosing partners in the future.
when he does not feel the love and warmth brought to him by his family, naturally he will not share his love and warmth with his family.
A fan left a message backstage saying:
"when I was a child, I often heard my parents quarreling and hid in the room, feeling that every minute was suffering. When I grew up, when my parents quarreled, I would yell at my parents.
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now I slowly find that I am becoming more and more grumpy and in a bad mood, so I like to break things and can't control my emotions at all."
parents are the first teachers of their children and the main objects for their children to learn and imitate.
this boy, affected by this bad family atmosphere, also became grumpy.
if there is a conflict between the two people's views, you can calm down first and talk about it afterwards. If you really can't help it, you should avoid the child and discuss it again.
not slandering your partner in front of your children is a kind of self-cultivation as a parent.
the third knife breaks down the child's self-confidence!
Liu Yong, a famous writer in Taiwan, once said:
"Children who have been in the shadow of being compared by their parents for a long time do not feel their parents' respect for them or their parents' affirmation and appreciation.
their hearts are like a barren and desolate land, lacking the vigor and vitality that originally belongs to a child. "
comparing children casually with others is one of the worst forms of education.
who is the biggest "enemy" of Chinese children? That must be someone else's child.
many parents always use a high-power magnifying glass to see the advantages of other children, use a microscope to see their own children's shortcomings, and turn a blind eye to their own children's strengths.
in the process of trying to gain the approval of their parents, children will take the requirements of their parents as the standard of behavior rules.
Children's judgment is often weak when they are young. They don't know whether their parents' demands are reasonable, but they just try to be praised by their parents. Gradually, children lose their judgment.
when children are not recognized by their parents, they have a sense of inferiority and feel inferior to other children.
parents should understand that every child is an individual and there is not much comparability. It is good to learn the advantages of others, but it is more important to cultivate a child's personality.
parentThe more the mother loves to compare, the more self-abased the child is and the less powerful she is to grow up.
on the contrary, the more parents believe, the more confident their children are, the better they grow up.
believe in the child and wait for the flower to bloom.
the fourth knife nagging, encourages the child's rebellious heart!
nowadays, there is a common phenomenon in family education: parents like to keep telling, reminding and urging.
parents keep talking to their children, which is tantamount to turning their words into noise. over time, children will be selectively deaf, go in one ear and out the other, and do what they should do, making parents even more mad.
in fact, nagging is the most useless tutoring, even counterproductive.
endless nagging is a bombardment of mental fatigue on children.